Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Le Voleur


Bobo-Dioulasso, Burkina Faso

It was evening in Bobo-Dioulasso, and I sat at a table on a small patio enclosed in the courtyard of my auberge. Across from me, an older French couple sat with the owner, sharing drinks and stories. Except for the patio lights hanging from the corrugated iron ceiling, the world around us was black. As I leafed through my West African guide book, I heard footsteps at the gate. I looked up to see a young African man approaching the patio.
"Bonsoir," I said politely. I don't know if he heard me.
He greeted the owner and asked if drinks were served here. "Oui," the owner replied, rising from his chair.
"I'll have a coke," said the young man in French. He sat down at the table directly next to the French couple and handed the owner a 500 CFA coin, equivalent to $1 USD. The owner left the patio to fetch the man's order.
I watched the young man, whose back was to me, and wondered why he was by himself. This place was in a quiet neighborhood, and it wasn't really a drinking destination for anyone but lodgers. And other than the French couple, I was the only one.
The young man called out to someone in a language other than French. The only reply came from outside the gate, where someone started a moped engine. The young man repeated whatever it was he had said. I heard the engine again, and this time a voice responded along with it, although I could not tell what it said.
"He has someone with him," I thought, "but why doesn't his friend come inside? Why doesn't he park his moped in the courtyard?"
Quite literally as I thought this, the young man stood up as if to adjust his pants. As quickly as he stood, he leaned over the adjacent table and snatched the French woman's purse. I saw him leaning over, but my voice was too slow to respond.
"Hey!" I shouted.
I jumped out of my seat and ran a few steps after him, but he was so quick-- and what could I have done anyway? Was I going to tackle him? Jump on a bike and chase him down? The French couple raced towards the gate, and the owner came running out of reception. They were all too late, though, as the thief had already sped away on his accomplice's moped.
"Voleur!" shouted the owner. "Thief!"
I stood there for a moment, shocked, uncertain what to say, unsure what to do. The French woman walked back to the table, remarkably calm, and lit a cigarette. She proceeded to pace back and forth in front of me, obviously processing what had just occurred. I watched her, wishing I could offer some sort of consolation. I wanted to help, but there was nothing I could do. My inability to communicate in French, coupled with the theft, left me feeling terribly helpless. I returned to my seat, where I sat quietly and tried hard to understand what everyone was saying.
The couple agreed that they should report the incident to the police. This was merely a formality, probably for insurance purposes more than anything else, since there was really nothing the police could do. The owner offered to take the French woman to the station. They jumped on his moto and zipped out of the courtyard. The French man followed them out into the street, where he stood by himself for some time.
On my own now, I started to wonder at this young man's situation. Something must have prompted him to steal. He must have felt that he needed to. But he had been dressed nicely. Was he really desperate, or was he just greedy? How many people had he stolen from? How long did it take him to conceive this scam? Was he nervous as he was stealing? As soon as I'd posed these questions to myself, I knew I would never have answers for any of them. I struggled with the way I felt: shocked, frustrated, angry. I wished I had not seen what had happened moments earlier. I wished I would stop thinking about it.
In that moment, the electricity cut out, and I was instantly swallowed by the night. Alone in the darkness, all I could do was think.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Long and Fat


Accra, Ghana

Several weeks into my stay in Accra, I found myself back in the classroom of the Street Academy. Standing before the same group of students I had worked with in 2007, I attempted to fill in for an absent English teacher. The lesson of the day: adjectives. The children were unfamiliar with this word, so I asked them to look at me and tell me what they saw; the words they'd use would be adjectives.
"What do I look like?" I asked. "Am I white or black? Do I look happy or sad?"
For a moment they were silent. Then a girl in the front row shouted, "Long!"
"Long?" I repeated.
"You are long!" she said.
The rest of the students made noises in agreement. In my floor-length blue dress, I suppose I did look "long", like a giant crayon. However, this wasn't a word I was looking for, so in my most teacherly tone, I began to correct the girl.
"Good," I started, "but in English, we don't say long, we say---"
"Fat!" Someone in the back row had continued to describe me.
"Uh, I'm sorry?" I stopped.
"You are fat!" another student offered.
"Yes, fat!" came another little voice.
This was definitely not a word I'd been looking for. "Hmm, let's think of another word to describe me. Something more...accurate."
The children all paused to think. Then, after a brief silence, came that word again, this time more forceful, like a war-cry. "Fat!" It was followed by a chorus of "Long! Fat! Long and fat!" I imagined them practicing this vocal ambush behind the school the day before, the girl in the front row pretending to be me, waddling around as the children shouted "Fat fatty!" after her. I bet they even poisoned their teacher so that I would have to play substitute! These kids!
"Fat?" I questioned, putting my hands up to silence them. "Well, I'm not really fat, am I? I mean, in the grand scheme of things...chubby, maybe, but fat? Come on! I mean, fat? Really? Really? Maybe you mean healthy?"
The girl in the front row ignored my ramblings. "Madam, you are long," she said, raising her hands high to indicate height, "and fat." This time she spread her arms wide, as if she were hugging an elephant.
"Long and fat," chimed another student.
The children repeated this phrase to each other several times, agreeing that this was the best way to describe me, and proud that they'd come up with the proper adjectives in English.
I sighed. "Well, fat aside, in English we do not use 'long' to describe a person's height. We use the adjective 'tall' instead."
"Tall, " they whispered to themselves.
The girl in the front row looked up at me, nodding her head. "Yes, madam, you are right."
"About what?" I asked.
"You are tall. Tall and fat."

Friday, October 9, 2009

Word on the Street: Signs, Posters and Billboards around Accra


Accra, Ghana

A billboard advertising different styles of women's wigs:
"Super curly! Freaky! Oprah!"

A banner hanging outside a bar:
"Pork show, opening soon!"

A bumper sticker on a public bus:
"I'm afraid of my friends...EVEN YOU."

An Accra road sign:
"SLOW, PHARMACY AHEAD!"

A security company's office sign:
"F.R.A.T. SQUARD SECURITY"

A notice posted in a public restroom:
"Ladies! Do not squart over toilets! No squartting!"

Friday, October 2, 2009

The Ghanaian Driver's Manual

Accra, Ghana

Driving like a local takes a certain amount of skill. The following steps will ensure that the automobile driver travels in an appropriately Ghanaian fashion.

1) Enter traffic in the oldest car, van or jalopy you can find. If your car does not turn on right away, have local men push your vehicle into the street, where you will coast until the engine starts.

2) Always drive at high speeds, especially when traffic is heavy or pedestrians are present.

3) If your cell phone rings, simultaneously answer it and purchase plantain chips from a street hawker. As long as your hands are near the wheel and your foot is on the gas pedal, you are still practicing acceptable driving.

4) To change lanes, honk several times as you maneuver right or left. There is no need to signal. If traffic is heavy, wedge the front corner of your automobile before the car next to you. Slowly inch forward until you are dangerously close to damaging both vehicles, or sit there until a cacophony of horns ensues. Eventually, the other driver will have to let you in to avoid a traffic standstill.

5) When transporting passengers, fill your vehicle with people until it has exceeded capacity twice over. Remember that seatbelts, if present, only serve a decorative purpose and aren’t intended for actual use.

Repeat steps 1-5 in order to drive safely and effectively throughout Ghana. And remember: when in doubt, shout it out! If you are uncertain as to who has right of way, or you don’t know why traffic is so heavy, or you are just plain frustrated, shout at your fellow drivers until the situation favors you. Happy travels!